Baby Humans Not the Sharpest Crayon in the Shed

so, i wrote this little diatribe on my other blog last april after an easter sunday spent w/ some of my coworkers kids. they’re adorable and i’m sure quite age-appropriately brilliant, but i mused on how long it takes for kids to have functional, life-sustaining little brains. and an article this morning on cnn about how dogs are smarter than toddlers made me think of it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

i’m addicted to one of my coworker’s 9 month old baby boy. he’s got the cutest, fattest little…everything. face, feet, thighs, eyelashes. all of it. he’s like a blond, blue-eyed little cherub. a tiny bit “children of the damned,” but in a totally cute way. he’s the absolute picture of rosy glowing baby health.

i really love spending time with kids. they’re so loving and warm and funny. but i must say, the young of our species are exceptionally dumb. i am by no means referring to my coworkers’ children specifically-i gather they’re all at or above average intelligence for their age. but…in general, babies and young kids have very little problem-solving skills and zero survival instincts. i mean, for pete’s sake, it is many, many years into their existence before they can even use doorknobs! and it would be utterly impossible for them to survive in the wild. in fact, they seem to be deliberately trying to off themselves. they toddle out into traffic, they fall into open manholes and wells, they stick fingers in electrical sockets, they drink poisonous substances, they play with knives…i suppose all the while assuming SOMEONE will come to their rescue. (after all, someone already opens doors for them). i’m just saying. if a lion cub or an eaglet was born as slow and awkward as a baby human, they would surely be eaten and/or fall from a tree. baby humans are more like baby cows and horses- clumsy and sort of wandering the world, lost and stupefied. i suppose that’s why we eat veal and not lion cub, huh?

anyway. i’m just sayin’.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *