i’ve been perplexed and frustrated about how to pray for a long time. i thank God all the time for all my blessings. i got that part down. i talk to Him about what’s happening in my life. but when it comes time to ask for something that i want, i have no idea what to do. because other than “please let Your will be done,” it seems kind of ridiculous to ask for stuff. He has a plan for us, He already knows how my entire life is going to pan out. so what’s the point in asking for anything? unless what i want happens to jive with what He wants, i doubt very much i have the influence to change His mind. after all, He knows what is best for me, even if sometimes it seems like the total opposite of what i think is best for me. and, He already knows what i want. He can read my mind. right now i’m hungry and my right knee kinda hurts. but He knows that already. what’s the point in asking for food or healing?
or, on a bigger note, what’s the point in asking for a child when He is already either going to provide us with one or not. do i dare ask Him to hasten the process or give me some clue as to if/when this might happen for us? i just don’t think so. if He doesn’t want us to have a kid until i’m 45 years old and it will happen because some orphanage is hit by an earthquake and all those kids need good homes….how am i supposed to know to anticipate and be patient for that? again and again i just wish i had a time line of my life laid out before me like in “alice in wonderland.” because i truly believe that if i wasn’t supposed to meet my kid until 2025, i could focus on other things until then and rest assure that it would come about at that time.
but i got some insight into this struggle on sunday at church. the message was something from Acts and i only paid attention to just a little bit of it, but what i got from it was: just shut up and listen to God.
i guess i hadn’t tried that. all this time i’ve been wringing my hands, trying to guess what His plans might be for me. what if i just meditated and was quiet for a while? might he tell me His plan? hmmmm….