this whole time, these years of trying and losing and hurting and wanting to make sense of it all…i just kept hoping there was some divine reason for it. something that could be gained after all that we had lost.
last week a coworker who is 11 wks pregnant started bleeding heavily. she was, of course, terrified and dreading the awful outcome that she couldn’t help but expect. and i was the one she wanted by her side. we went to the ER and shook together as the nurse tried to hear heart tones through crappy old equipment and could not. we held our breaths as the doc checked her cervix and found that it was closed! (tra-la)! and then, ended up laughing and clinging to each other with relief when the ultrasound showed a strong heart beat, active baby…with some blood around the placenta. it was such a relief. not that she’s out of the woods. she is lying low for now and might have a rather fragile pregnancy to follow. but what a miracle it was to not have fetal demise following blood. i was ecstatic.
and felt so blessed, so empowered that i could be there for her and that i was the one most required by her then, with my intimate insights into how she was feeling. it was amazing.
a gift from God. and then being there when the news was good! it gave me hope that sometimes, even when things look scary, the news can actually be good.
……..things are going along well with me, as far as i can tell. nauseous but not yet vomited. STARVING and then find i can’t eat much before i feel ill. craving orange juice, mashed potatoes, and biscuits. have indulged all of these. a lot. my sweet sister brought me some bday/baby news presents that included a sign that reads simply and perfectly, “faith” and a jar of pickles and some chocolate ice cream. 🙂
my one complaint is that i have to wait until 13 wks to have another ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. i would have them every day if i could. 🙂 but i now have faith. it’s on my wall. 🙂
and patience is a….something…that’s another symptom. i’m a little forgetful these days. 🙂