Kids, They Will Break Your Heart

so, just as we’ve seen that there are no guaranties with pregnancy, we are also seeing now intimately that there are no guarantees with adoption.

the same wonderful, amazing, exceptional friends whom i wrote about the other day in celebration for the birth of their new little one are now grieving as the birth parents have decided to keep him. after spending months getting to know the birth family and preparing for the life changing arrival and then long days and nights in the hospital with ‘their son,’ they now feel like they have lost him as they likely will never see him again.

their pain and devastation is profound and reminds me a lot of the days following my losses. but in many ways so much worse, as they got to meet their little person and they have a house full of baby stuff now.

it just sucks.

my heart is breaking for them. and for all the other friends we now know through our infertility/ miscarriage support groups who also had adoptions fall through. some even took their child home before learning that the birth parents had a change of heart.

i try to be empathetic toward the birth parents. i can’t imagine a harder decision to have to make. and especially when they are teenagers like these people are. the magnitude of this decision, the intensity of these relationships is something they’ve never experienced before. and it’s probably impossible for them, especially with their limited world view and experience, to predict how challenging it will be to continue making the right decision even after seeing the baby.

i pray that they have the support and wisdom to be patient, loving, mature parents to this little guy. i imagine that our friends were needed by this baby, this family over those few days in the hospital and the months leading up to this and that they may never know the impact they made on this child or the family. by being an incredible example of God’s people and a fantastic married couple, they showed these birth parents how to be a strong couple, genuinely loving, good people, and great parents. they’ve given them many gifts. i know it hurts now, but God has to be involved in this whole mess and will sort it all out. we just have to believe that.

it is very hard not to focus on the loss, but our friends are doing their best to survive this and to rebound as much as possible as they never know when another baby might be born that needs their love.

bless them, please God. hold them and love them. we do.

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