“This is My Son Charlie. Have I Told You About His 14 lb Butt Birth?”

seriously. it is a compulsion. women talk about their births. they cannot help themselves. i’m sure child birth is a life changing event, but does it have to define you? become the one tale you tell?

and what about a little discernment about the telling of this tale? i bring this up because several times this week i marvelled at the inappropriate sharing.

one of my favorite docs was recently at a business meeting in new york with some very hotshot people at the top of their corporate ladders. millionaires. who all happened to be women. and guess what the conversation devolved to?? with my male doctor sitting right there? in a fancy new york restaurant? that’s right. afterbirth and episiotomies.

and then last night i was at a freaking bachelorette party, and guess what the “mommy” side of the table was talking about? just guess. i deliberately stayed with the rest of the party who were, appropriately, discussing penis cake and a new martini called “the happy ending.” (sorry, could not find a recipe to link to, but it looks creamy and green-ish and i think was garnished with grapes?).

and then, finally, there are those countless times when women are sharing their most traumatic and gory birth tales with expecting mothers. sigh. is it an initiation? a rights of passage or something? like standing in line, watching people exit the scariest, hugest roller coaster in the park with ashen faces and bits of vomit in their hair- you know you’re next and you still want to do it, but wouldn’t it really be kinder if they routed the exit line away from you? or is anticipation part of the thrill?

and all in all, are these like war stories that retired vets sit around and tell each other and anyone else who will listen? is there a competitive element? whose labor lasted the longest, what pain meds were/weren’t used, how much tearing occurred, etc?

will i understand this need to purge on poor unsuspecting victims once i’ve been through it? hmmm.

and as far as wallpaper/nursery decor goes- i really appreciate all your comments! great advice and ideas. the communists won, but only a little bit. and we’re still kind of unsure on what we’re going to do. but we’ll keep you posted on our progress. thanks!


  1. Michelle

    in time, u too, will share the birthing experience with all…and it doesn't define you, but in a sense it might seem like it does…since it is so crazy/amazing…u can't help but talk about it, because you just can NOT believe a person came out of your vajayjay(quoting greys anatomy).

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