Your pregnant friend or your extremely old Aunt Ruth….
1. farts without warning, provocation or permission
2. occasionally tying her shoes seems as perplexing as complex math
3. sleeps a lot during the day, in odd uncomfortable looking positions, much drooling is involved
4. gets up to pee every 2 hrs during the night
5. grunts and moans when getting dressed, and takes about 45 minutes to put on socks
6. cannot go anywhere “in a jiffy” as even tasks as simple as getting out of a car take some
7. complains constantly about sore back, sore feet and hemorrhoids and may ask you to apply
balm to any of the above because she simply cannot reach it herself
8. and last, she is very unpredictable and at any given moment might smother you with sloppy
kisses or with a pillow, you just never can tell.