Scare Them Sexless

i haven’t blogged because THERE’S NOTHING TO REPORT. growl.

i feel like the whole world is clacking their fingernails on their desks waiting impatiently for me to DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!

i am having all kinds of pangs and cramps and aches and such, but as best as i can tell, they are in no way productive. will see my MD tomorrow to have that confirmed.

getting a little scowly and disgruntled, i must say.

the questions and advice are kind of funny though. every day at work…

“you’re still here?” uhh…no. i am a fat figment of your imagination.

or

“you’re still pregnant?” no. i enjoyed the look so much i made a prosthetic belly and suspendered it on and went on my merry way pretending to still be pregnant. baby is at home, tied to the radiator.

and the advice! castor oil works every time! sex is the key. gets your prostaglandins shakin’ or taking stairs, running, doing squats, the list goes on. of all of those, frankly, castor oil sounds the most appealing. is the idea that you lube up everything inside and so while your bowels empty out into a great puddle the baby follows a la slip n’ slide? i don’t get it.

my darling sister is here spoiling me and waiting patiently (ahem) for this thing to start up. she has already plied me with maple cream donuts (heart) and tasty cheeses and such and is next going to plaster my belly so i forever have a mold of my prego torso. not sure what we’ll do with it…bird feeder maybe? maybe add some straps and make teens wear it as part of an abstinence awareness program at school? that’d scare them sexless, i’d think.

will post pics.

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