How to Train a Baby Monster

in our less than 2 weeks as parents we have chanced upon a few insights. we have a hella lot to learn still, but to date, this is what we know about baby monsters…

they might be cute and small, but make no mistake- baby monsters can cause all kinds of mayhem.

in a matter of moments, if you don’t control your monster, he will go from this:
to this to this

if you want to survive an encounter, follow these simple rules:

1. tie your monster up quick and make sure you have him well bound.


you don’t want any paws escaping from the bondage. he might try to chew through, but no matter. persist.

2. follow the other tricks from “happiest monster on the block” by dr. karp. they are: suck, swaddle, side lie, shushing noises, and swing. for reals. it’s like a light switch. your baby monster will go from shrill shrieking like a tea kettle to peaceful slumber. it helps to have a cool pacifier for the ‘suck’ part.

3. you’ll want to create a nice little cave for your baby monster. it helps to cover the walls with pics of animals and other monsters, so that yours will feel comfortable in its natural habitat.

4. make sure you line up an awesome father monster for the baby monster.

5. and lastly, just keep laughing. training a baby monster can be exhausting and stressful, but it’s also totally fun and cute. because if they are well trained, they will look like this:

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