in the television commercials, the mom with all her shit together (MWAHST) effortlessly wrangles all her kids, has a beautiful meal prepared for the family, has a spotlessly clean house in which she’s always entertaining guests, and, they may not show this, but at least in my head, she also has a rewarding career from which she just arrived home in her well-kept trendy car. also, her skin is polished, her hairy is shiny and well-coiffed, she is perfectly fit and she’s probably wearing some dirty-in-a-good-way undies under her suit to give her husband a thrill. she also plays tennis and cello and reads great literature and takes cooking classes. she has girls nights out once a month where she and her beautiful friends sit around at a hip restaurant and sip white wine and talk about what they recently heard on NPR.
last night, when was at rehearsal for a short play i’m acting in, i realized that at that moment, i kind of did feel like i have it all. i might actually be a MWAHST!
i mean, mind you, there are some differences between my reality and that of the MWAHST from the commercials.
1. my car looks like Jewel and her mom are still living in it.
2. tonight, when i was making homemade noodle soup, i hollered through the cloud of flour hovering in the air at my 7 month old in his bouncy seat something about how he needed to stop whining and sack up.
3. my house is in a constant state of chaos and clutter. when i know we’re having visitors, i stuff everything on my bed and throw my duvet over top. otherwise, bed stays un-made. and surprise visitors who just pop by, i make them visit on the porch. or we just turn all the lights off and stay away from the windows and pretend we’re not home.
4. there are days at a time when i don’t brush my hair. but the hair on my legs is luxuriously long.
5. i haven’t worked out in months but recently found a new cookie i love. so that’s good.
6. in addition to the hairy legs, if robb’s looking for romance, he might find dirty underwear, but it won’t be in a good way. (hey-oh!). and i have a whole drawer for my sweatpants.
7. my hobbies include wandering the aisles at walgreens just to get a few quiet minutes away, working overtime at my job, and occasionally doing some theater.
8. when my friends and i get together we usually drink way too much tequila and talk about the chelsea handler book we just read and how mariah carey DEFINITELY had a tummy tuck cuz ain’t NO way bitch lost THAT much weight and her belly looks THAT good after having twins at 40! come on! puh-lease!
but, seriously. i feel like it’s all working. at least for now. and i’m so excited…somehow i still find time to still do the things that i love, like being on stage. and i have a pretty cool career as a surgical physician assistant. i have an awesome kid and am married to a fella i adore. and so far we don’t totally suck at being parents (stay tuned).