If You Loved Me, You’d Clean the Toilet

disclaimer: i have a wonderful husband, whom i adore. he is loving and giving and works hard. and now i’m going to bitch about him for a while.

originally, this post was going to be called “if i were a boy” and be all about how nice it must be to be a dude instead of a lady because there are so many fewer demands on men and they get to still enjoy things like hobbies and television even after babies are hatched while the women are slaving constantly for the good of the family.

it was all very whoa is me.

and i was all geared up to reference international women’s day and how, even though we think we’re progressive and modern in our current american gender relations, the reality is that women are still supposed to bake the bread, just now they have to win it, too. (that didn’t really work- i mean we’re now bread winners. you got that, right? maybe i should have used the term ‘bring home the bacon’ instead? women are supposed to bring it home AND make it into a tasty sammich?).

anyway.

i was feeling all sorry for myself and hopeless to ever change this. having visions of Thanksgivings future of me working all night on call the night before and then coming home and cleaning the house, cooking the meal and cleaning up afterwards while my male spouse and my male child watch football with their feet up.

while i’m still concerned that this is a potential reality and represents a cycle we need to break, i feel a lot more peace about it today. robb and i talked at length about my concerns last night. he did a good job of just letting me vent and we came to some resolutions on better sharing the home responsibilities and dividing the labor.

i know that in most couples, each partner feels like he/she does the bulk of the work. i think it’s just normal to feel put-upon once in a while. but i feel better about getting it off my chest and trying to work with him instead of secretly loathing him and planning his death (poison. buried in the backyard in hole already dug by our dog).

and i’m sure he feels better about it, too. 🙂

and as far as romance and marital harmony and good good lovin’ goes, i’ve heard that ‘foreplay starts first thing in the morning.’ and i couldn’t agree more. as in, don’t just tend to your own needs all day while i’m busting around getting stuff done and then expect me to be in any shape to want to grant you any attention at bedtime. i am more relaxed and at ease and amorous if i don’t have 30 to-do list items nagging at me. help me to get through them throughout the day and i’m all yours. don’t, and the only thing i’m banging at midnight is pots and pans while i put them away.

…and so, in conclusion, to sum up…when i saw robb cleaning the bathroom mirrors and replacing the vanity light bulb today when i got home from work, without us having discussed it at all…damn. hoo-eeh. he had me all twitterpated and hot all over. i have to tell you.

there’s a whole funny book on this subject called “porn for women” (follow my link, do not just go looking that one up on your own). 🙂


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