i’m both less and more nervous about having a baby than i was the first go-around and here’s why:
1. i’ve been through labor and know it won’t do me in…but also know it’s not a barrel of laughs that i wish to repeat every day (i remember screaming something like “WHO’S PUSHING ON MY CLITORIS??! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? KNOCK IT OFFFFF” and the doctor calmly replying, “it’s the baby’s head. shut up, you’re scaring all the other nice people.”)
2. breast feeding was a real challenge the first time, filled with insecurities about how often/how much, and worries about how it would all work when i went back to work and had to pump, etc, etc. i anticipate that this time i’ll be less anxious about the whole deal and just trust the process more. on the other hand, now i know what it’s like to have my life parceled off into 3-4 hr segments for an entire year. and how pumping and saving milk at work is totally doable but is also totally time-consuming and difficult and i never totally feel like i’m a good enough cow-lady.
3. last time all we did was tend to the teenie one in his infancy and all our energies went there. it was really tiring and stressful, especially in those first few months when the baby doesn’t smile or anything and more just sort of lies there like a loud bag of flour. but at least we got to doze now and then when he slept. NOW we have this crazy, zany, dynamic fun henry monkey to keep us entertained, but also to keep us from resting or catching up on anything while the baby sleeps. but to watch henry become a big brother is going to blow any minds i had left.
4. it took me around 9 full months to lose all the baby weight last time. i learned a thing or two about putting the cake down before i ate the whole damned thing, so i’ve gained a little less this time (gracias a dios)…but it’s going to be the dead of winter and i’ll be all laid up in the house instead of the middle of a pleasant summer where i could take the wee one on long walks. so i’m worried about both how i’m going to find a way to stay active and lose the weight and also about not getting into an uber mega winter funk being shut in when it’s all cold and dark.
5. henry is in a super fun stage right now as he grows and builds layers to his knowledge and person every day, but it’s also a frustrating stage as we butt heads over his desire for independence and our desire for him to wear pants. and we as a people have decided that the perfect span betwixt children is 2-3 years….so that they’re eventually not too far apart in school, can play together, etc, etc. but it means that when you bring home an infant in one of the hardest phases of its lives, your toddler is, simultaneously, going through toddler-dom, in one of the hardest phases of ITS lives. and so you have two monstery-monsters going through huge changes at the same time!
all this is to say that i have my worries about this impending time in our lives, but i am also a huge sucker for snuggles, so i’m also looking forward to all of it (even the chaos).
henry has been SO into Christmas-everything this year. it’s been crazy fun. we’re singing Christmas carols (i find i don’t really know the right words to a lot of them), eating “candy cans” and he asks to go “Christmas shopping” every day. finally yesterday, i realized that every time i mentioned someone we needed to buy a present for, he dismissed me and talked about more presents for himself. so apparently that is what shopping and the season in general is all about.