i’m feeling a lot of nerves this time. or maybe it’s just more antici…
my belly has dropped some and i’ve been feeling kind of nauseous, exhausted and a little…squishy. i keep thinking they’re signs, but then nothing else happens.
i kind of just want to go into labor and get it done with so i don’t have to keep wondering all kinds of things like, ‘is it now? does that feeling mean something? will we be able to get someone here in time to watch henry in this ‘snow-clever-monster-movie-title-portmanteau’ storm? will we get stuck in a snowbank and robb will have to deliver me in the backseat? it’s just a honda accord- is that big enough? would be ever be able to recover psychologically from that? and could i ever get mad at him again for not cleaning the kitchen floors if he helped me through childbirth? and how does after-birth come off of leather? is there enough food in the house for whomever ends up here with henry? if i DO make it to the hospital on time, if the power goes out- do they consider epidural machines essential enough to run them off generators? 🙂 ‘
is nursing as time-consuming as i remember? will my giant tats dwarf this tiny child? will it be in danger of suffocation? that they were bigger last time and that henry survived them is a good sign, right?
i’m also really anxious at this point to find out if its a male child or female child dancing on my organs. i just want to start picturing what life will be like with two, and i think having an identity to the new one will help with that.
so whatever happens with the baby this week, it’s already a weird one since we’re buried in snow. henry’s daycare is closed tomorrow, so i’ll be staying home with him for a SNOW DAY!! we’ll probably do less building snow forts and more of the same that we did all weekend. sleep. make some food. eat it. sleep some more. watch a movie while eating. sleep. repeat. we’ve gone into total hibernation mode over here and it’s been pretty great.
and, although i still have anxieties about besmirching my honda with birthing juices, i’ve put into place backup plans for my backup plans in getting henry cared for and getting me to the hospital and such. all will be well. i mean, shoot, people have babies during hurricanes and floods and stuff, right? worse case scenario, i have a bathtub and i’m sure i can find a purse strap or some other bit of leather to bite on for pain relief.
as henry would say, “belax, mommy. just belax.”