There Are Certain Things I Remember from Last Time That Are Making This Round Easier

we are ECSTATIC to say that we now have a beautiful “anna” living in our house!!! i’ve got all sorts of pics and birth stories and all kinds of stuff for you, but i wanted to get this out first.

i’ve been thinking about all the friends i have out there who are about due with their first babies, and i wanted to provide a list of things i’m reminded of now that i WISH i’d been told before my first time around. knowing them now now with my second one is making this transition way easier.

1. you’re still gonna look 6 months pregnant after you deliver. your uterus is full of blood and your abdomen will be all squishy and boggy for a while your skin is all stretched out. those things are on their way to changing, but for A WHILE you’ll still look like you’re expecting. try not to punch people if they ask you when that’s happening. or, you know what, go ahead and punch them. it might help with the crabbiness you’re probably feeling.

2. you’ll be crabby. hormones and stress and lack of sleep will do that. just ride it out. it doesn’t mean you love your tiny any less. it doesn’t make you a bad person. it doesn’t take away from the joy you’re feeling. it just is.

3. you’re going to bleed a lot for a long time. your blood volume went up way high to support your pregnancy and now that you don’t need all that extra blood, it’s gotta go. don’t be alarmed.  but do be prepared.

4. your vagina will most likely look and feel like a war zone. it’ll be tender. baby it with the products they give you and be ginger in what you do/how much you walk around/how much you lift, etc. certainly don’t put anything in it until you’ve been cleared by your MD. and maybe then some.

5. your boobs will get crazy huge. like national geographic crazy huge. like they will reach down and touch your giant big boggy abdomen and you’ll look like an ancient clay fertility goddess talisman found by indiana jones or something.

6. and speaking of boobs- when you nurse, you will cramp. and they’ll be pretty reminiscent of those contractions you just got yourself out of.  🙁 but it won’t last forever! and it’s all about shrinking that uterus down to normal size and purging that blood, which is good. but again, don’t be alarmed. when your tiny latches down on your nipple, oxytocin is released and causes the contraction. that’s what you’re feeling.  take the prescribed drugs. it will pass.

7. your baby’s gonna cry. a lot. and it’s NOT YOU. you’re doing nothing wrong. it’s just the way it is. and the baby will be fine, despite the crying. nothing is broken. (incidentally, to reduce the crying, i live and die by ‘happiest baby on the block‘  and the 5 S’s).

8. you’re going to resent all the critters who live in your house. especially the big dumb one. animals will go from being your shmoopsy-boopsy babies to whiny, filthy inconveniences pretty quickly. and other children, in my very limited experience, seem LOUDER and messier than they did just a few days ago. still awesome and wonderful, just MORE of it. but you’ll pretty much straight up despise your husband. or at least i have after both of my births. you swear he used to be a smart guy, but now he asks the dumbest questions and doesn’t think to help in the simplest ways and you’re just pretty sure when you’re allowed to drive again you’re going to have to run him over with your car. (this won’t last forever either. eventually he’ll go back to being smart and useful. coincidentally, right around the time your hormones are back under control).

9. drinking is as great as you remember. BUT you have to be really sneaky with it if you’re breast feeding. the whole math equation for alcohol and nursing is pretty complex stuff. you know you really want the tequila you’ve been missing but you also don’t want to be the one who gave her newborn a hangover at 3 days old.

10. am i nuts that despite all that, this is, like, the greatest thing EVER? babies are overwhelmingly appealing little creatures and your heart is going to blow up about 10 times a day with the magnitude of the feelings you’re having for this tiny new thing you brought home. it’s good. it’s real good.

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