Crap, I Have to Get Un-Fat All Over Again

so, i’m moving toward considering thinking about possibly making a commitment to a mutual understanding with my ass that it’s time to lose some weight.

i’ll give the caveat that i actually didn’t gain that much weight this pregnancy and i actually look pretty good for having had a baby a month ago. i will acknowledge all of that before also noting that i can only wear my fattest fat pants and i have a ways to go until i’m at my ideal weight again.

next week i have my 6 wk postpartum visit and will be cleared to exercise (and stuff, nudgenudgewinkwink). 

i’m excited to get back into a routine and to see my body again under all this winter fluff, but it’s just going to be a lot of work.

the initiation is the worst part. once i’m in a routine, not a big deal. but ugh the first part.

i thought i could start lightly. i joined ‘MyFitnessPal’ where you log everything you eat throughout the day and count how many calories you burn with exercise and see if you move along a trajectory toward weight loss. very user-friendly, can do it on my phone while nursing. no big deal. BUT…i lose focus after breakfast. or more like, i’ll happily log my 1 gluten-free waffle and a banana! but then when i’m shoveling handfuls of chocolate chips from the bag and then finishing everything off of henry’s plate (YOU GONNA EAT THAT?), i get embarrassed and stop attempting to keep track, knowing that the program will either show i’m eating the accurate 10,000,000,000 calories a day or it’ll show a big fat lie and it’ll know that i’m a loser.

sometimes i make vows to myself.

what they sound like is: “ok, self! today you’re going to be good and just eat healthy things in reasonable quantities. if you’re hungry, that’s fine! eat! just do it reasonably. and lay off nuts for a while because maybe it’s causing your baby to reflux all over the place.”

what they look like is: 7 minutes later, me standing at the kitchen counter eating a cup of creamy coconut and peanut spread off the back of a spoon and making way inappropriate noises as i snarf it up. maybe some fell on the counter. maybe i licked it straight off the counter top. what’s it to you?

(this stuff is so insanely good i can’t even tell you the crimes i would commit to get my hands on this shit. srsly)

….anywho…i have a ways to go. i signed up for a 10k running race in may. having a deadline does help. but i have a few friends doing the race, so worse case scenario, i make one of them pull me in a wagon.

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