He Sees You When You’re Sleeping…And When You’re Pushing Your Friends from Great Heights. smh.

let’s see…what ridiculousities happened this week so far?

well. two days ago i got a voicemail mid afternoon from one of the teachers at henry’s daycare that went like, “so, henry was going potty and he went to flush and somehow he slipped and he hit his chin on the toilet seat. he’s fine now, playing happily. there doesn’t seem to be a mark…”

i mean. i can’t even. who smacks their head on the toilet?  but i could absolutely see it happening with him. he’s always spinning and distracted by, like, imaginary spiders on the ceiling and not paying attention to where his feet are or where his chin needs to be.

he’s fine and it made me laugh much, so win-win. what else?

oh, yeah. also at daycare this week. the director took me aside to tell me that henry had to go to the office TWICE because he was mean to his friends. one time he ran someone’s hand over with a toy car and the other time he pushed someone off the slide.  (wait. what? he did what? wasn’t there a macaulay culkin movie about a little sociopathic slide pusher? eesh).

anyway. no one was mangled, thankfully.

she mentioned that in her discussion with him, she employed the use of both God and Santa as monitors from above watching him be a tiny jerk. i’ll be honest, at first i was a little weirded out by the idea of feeding this kind of mixed faith punitive fear tactic stuff to toddlers, but now i like the image of God and Santa sitting on a sofa somewhere in the north pole/celestial region, drinking diet pop and doing, like, a running commentary of how people are doing on earth. getting cheeto fingers on their lists and dropping some mystery science voiceover stuff in.

anyway. doesn’t matter. i guess the God/Santa thing didn’t phase him and it was only the ‘and i’ll have to tell your mom and dad’ part that got him remorseful.

because we withhold suckers.

yes, we use his addiction to sweets as a behavior modifying tool. what’s it to you? you got a problem, i’m taking you to the Santa/God couch.

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