dear readers, and probably my future adult-age children who are curious about what life was like for them when they were small, i have to admit something to you….
i just fell in love with my anna last night.
and i feel like this is a horrible confession because she’s 9 FREAKING MONTHS OLD and has been delightful all along and i am the worst that i wasn’t smitten sooner.
and don’t get me wrong. i’ve enjoyed her, i’ve loved and cared for her, i’ve been able to admire her qualities and help usher her along the newborn path.
but just now, last night, i feel like i really met her.
i mean, babies are like raw stone that needs to be carved, with time, into a sculpture/the person they’re going to be, right? and it’s hard for me when they’re tiny and have only soft edges and no defining angles to really fully attach.
i remember that it took a while with henry, too. people describe being immediately in love when the baby emerges, or even forming an intense connection in utero.
i don’t get that. i love and give and provide for, but i don’t get, like, goofy for kids until they are their own little people.
so, anyway. anna is starting to become her own little person. and she’s really cool. she laughs constantly, and makes really deep eye contact. she tries to catch my eye to share a smile. she’s silly and makes patterns of noise that she shares with me and laughs when i finally join in. she’s not afraid of anything. she is strong and forceful and pretty good at brushing herself off when she inevitably stumbles.
these are all qualities i like in a person. i like her a lot.
having a few hours alone with her last night while robb and henry rode their bikes on maybe the last nice night of the fall through our city gave us a chance to just be together. quietly and completely, i let the dirty dishes sit and i wasn’t being asked ‘star wars’ trivia questions by her brother. it was just us. and it was swell. (PS- the guys had a crazy awesome time on the bikes, too)
so, adult anna, when you come back to read about your childhood on your hologram maker and laugh how quaint your mom was “blogging” instead of cyber journaling or whatever, you might be mad that it took me a while to really get you. you might also be mad that i’m making your milestones about me. but, you know, that’s life, kid.
oh! and speaking of milestones- you’re pulling yourself up on everything, your’e scooting along things, you’re eating lots of solid food, and you’re wearing 24 month clothes. we’ll find out soon at your doctor’s visit just how moose-ish you are, but i suspect it’s a lot. a lot moose.
(added late: 21lbs 11oz weight, 29″ tall, 17″ head…92/91/29%)
and in case it’s not abundantly clear by the pics- you’re spectacularly beautiful. your eyes are smart and quick and your hair is fluffy and you are a perfect miracle and i love you.
-mom (‘that lady i focus so much time on in therapy’)