sometimes i get really tired and feel really bad for myself. and you know i hate to admit all this because, damn do i want to be a warrior, but i more want to be clear and honest on this blog so that when i look back, i can really see what this time was like.
Whining and Winning are Just Off by Just One Letter. Wait, No. Two Letters. Just the Two.
so, this day during this time, i am exhausted. my work is exhilarating and challenging and rewarding but sometimes leaves me feeling zapped and like i’ve given near all i can give by day’s end. but day is not actually anywhere near ending, because then i pick up my two beautiful need machines who immediately need every part of me ON at once. and then that kinetic frenzy happens until bed, the process which takes somewhere between 1 and 2 hours, and then at least 1 if not both of them is back up a few hours later and on throughout the night. anna hates sleep. i like sleep, i think. i can’t really remember, but somewhere in my hazy memories, i think i felt good about sleep. but perhaps i just remember seeing a picture of myself sleeping and so i’m creating the memory that i’ve slept.
anyway. she and i are trying to meet somewhere in the middle.
and then there’s all the side stuff we’re doing (kinda sorta starting 2 (two) businesses, kinda considering a house renovation, etc)….i don’t want to say no to anything, and so i just end up tired and feeling really bad for myself.
here’s a funny story, also illustrating where we’re at in life right now. i can’t believe i forgot to share this earlier. i made a note of it in my notes app on my phone the day it happened. it was the day of anna’s birthday party. the notes says:
-henry closes anna’s head in closet door
-henry smashes anna’s hand with maraca
-there is ice growing over one of the electric plugs in the living room (not the one with the fire)
-henry drew with his poop (IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, MOM!)
you know, i’m too tired to tell the story. you can pretty much fill it out from my notes. it’ll be fun! like a really awful Mad Libs. anyway. no one was hurt. everyone survived. shit happens. laugh or cry. i choose laugh. but with lack of sleep sometimes it’s a strained, maniacal laugh. must put lid on that crazy laugh. i’ll make a note of it.