Lobster Killer

there’s a lot to catch up on, but i’m bone-tired and brain-weary, so i’ll keep it brief. my wonderful grandfather died this week and we’re all just trying to find our way back from that. i don’t want to talk about it anymore. i feel like i’ve said all the words. now i just want to be quiet and sad for a while. 

so, but anyway….we took the tiny menaces with us to celebrate ‘big hank’s’ life at the memorial and family gatherings. they’re loud and inappopriate and often naked and have no respect for the solemnity of the event….so it was probably very useful to have them around. 
during the gatherings, of coure we ate funeral food, which just means comfort food, which just means fatty salty sweet things with a side of ranch dressing. 
before that, i’ve been changing my diet to try to get back to some health and i’ve been making more of an effort to demonstrate my own healthy eating habits to henry, who prefers candy to breathing, and anna, who chews on people for fun. 
for the longest time, henry’s been fascinated by the fact that i eat fish. i *rarely* eat fish, but i’m the only one in the family who does, so he just wouldn’t stop talking about it. so after his 1 millionth viewing of the anti fish industry propoganda film called ‘finding nemo,’ he told me that FISH ARE FRIENDS. NOT FOOD and that i mustn’t eat fish anymore. 
well, you know, i’m super soft when it comes to him and i’m a mostly vegetarian anyway, so i didn’t think it would be a big deal. and so i promised. 
not 2 days later, i could not stop my evil predator instincts from ordering and enjoying lobster tacos at this cool new local pub. i savored every bite, but then felt guilty like i had cheated on henry. 
so i vowed to never tell him. 
not 2 minutes after arriving home, i was telling robb all about how great my meal was and i heard, WHAT IS LOBSTER TACOS?
i am the worst kind of villain. i apologized to him like i’d killed his (sea) puppy and just let him have more candy. 
but now i swear. i’ll be good. 
fish are friends, not food, right?
(but technically, isn’t a lobster a bug? or a dinosaur or something? that tastes like a loophole)

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