Not Having Kids is Way Better When You Have Kids But They’re At Grandmas

we’ve been just us two grown people for the past 4 days. my saintly parents took the kids to give us time to try to shuffle all the rooms in our house around. and to, like, breathe for a second.
breathing is good.
we cooked. HEALTHY food that everyone ate and no one said LOOKS LIKE GARBAGE. we exercised together. we ate when MY hanger became too much to deal with, not anyone else’s. which is back to how it should be. we went out for sushi and got none avocado in our noses or hair.

we went shopping for home goods at a certain enormous swedish box store. usually that place puts me into a real panic because all the people are standing directly in front of me. all of them. and also because fake flowers. and also because happiness/cleanliness/godliness built from a box for just $250 and also because the whole place smells like adrenaline and cinnamon rolls. and that just confuses me. but this time, without the childrens, my panic was *less” and my threats of violence were casual. lazy even. (‘yawn. we should burn the whole place down because consumer bullshit. ooh. grab some coffee. and what a hassle this whole thing is- i think we need more of those round foam things. i hate everything. and i guess we should buy 5 or 6 light fixtures just to have back-ups. sigh. what was i saying?’)
and we got a ton of stuff done around the house, including the chores of marriage if you know what i mean nudgenudgewinkwink i mean sex.
we were wholly connected and relaxed. it was easy. we finished every conversation we started. no one interrupted us. we slept.
and HOW we slept. i’m almost (not at all) embarrassed about how much we slept. i look like i took vitamins and mood enhancers and got an eye lift. we got about 9 days worth of sleep in 3 days.
we kept turning to each other like, “is this what it was always like before kids?” and “i don’t….remember….but it must have been.”
but it kind of wasn’t because now we’re treating each moment alone together like it’s sacred and then we were just living. and also for the last bit of our lives alone without kids we were grieving losses and pining for kids. so this. this thing where we have these miracles who live in our house but ALSO get to kick them the fuck out once in a while. THIS thing is the best thing.
upon their arrival home, we were, of course, thrilled to see them. they bring all the goof and cheeks and laughter. and within 7 minutes of crossing the threshold, someone bit someone and that same first someone took down all the pictures i had just carefully put up while i was decorating like i forgot i have kids.
my mom is a damned miracle marriage savior mary poppins type and she’s agreed to keep them again a few times in the next few months so we can repeat this grown-up happy time. i cannot repeat enough how grateful we are. she can have our kidneys if she needs them, or just wants them for the hell of it. like for souvenirs or paper weights or whatever.
full house, full heart. full belly (they brought animal crackers and veggie sticks home). hashtag blessed.

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