And so, after we’d played happily all night at the park adjacent to the baseball diamond where Henry was having T-ball practice, we got home and out of nowhere, Anna started screaming about her lady bits. ‘MY VULVA HURTS. IT BUUUUUURNS.’ My kids know proper terminology because I just can’t with the “front bottom” or …
Month: May 2017
The other day I was being a fancy lady and getting my nails done before vacation. The manicurist was several flavors of bonkers, which I usually love in a person, but she kind of lost me during a really long, drawn out story about her dog’s false pregnancy. Anyway. Robb came to pick up a …
We adults were hiding in our bedroom and bitching about the antics of the 3 year-old person, planning our next phase of battle, when Robb started demonstrating what it’s like putting her down for a nap. This giant bearded man flopping around made me laugh so hard, I had to hide the bedside lube and …
I have this theory that happiness is a very bad goal for us. Maybe we’re here on the planet for however many decades we make it, to learn something and to survive it, but not to necessarily be happy. And, actually, that we’ve decided that happiness is the proof that we’re properly personing, might be …
when the orange county sheriff’s officer asked me, “how’s it going, sir?” i wasn’t the least bit surprised. i had just dragged my shrieking daughter across all of EPCOT, while she begged for her mother. the shrieking began some ten minutes earlier when she realized that the trip back to the hotel did …