Parenting Just Keeps Going Every Single Day.

It’s recently come to my attention that Robb and I are dumb naive suckers.


By that, I mean, that we have no idea what’s coming next with parenting our kids, as they go from being toddlers/little kids, to adolescents. We’re 100% unprepared for this evolution.


We’ve been known to laugh at people who are angst-ing over their newborn’s concerns. Like, “Hahaha, you poor, silly, bastards. You think it’s hard having just the one tiny person who, really, is just like a loud plant at this point. Just you wait until— ”


We feel extremely self-righteous about all that we’ve learned. About our battle wounds and medallions demonstrating that we’ve conquered those stages of parenting.


For a while now, we’ve just floated along on this lovely bubble of pretty-much totally potty trained, nearly always listens when we talk, only throws tantrums 6 times a day, and kind of eats what we make for them. HAHA! Nothing can touch us now!!


Except, I’m beginning to suspect that we are very naive and dumb as we’re treading the rosy water of this current phase. While we’re straining to really pat ourselves on the back, one kid has been sneaking stuff to school and then LYING about it, like a villain. The other kid has been stealing everything in our house and collecting it in her bedroom like a hoodlum mouse, and still peeing on the floor more often than never.


I’m googling, “Are they bad people? How early can you tell? Most importantly, did we do that?”


So, I’ve been reduced to buying parenting books. I wore dark sunglasses and a fake mustache to purchase it because I’m an expert now! I should not need this. I’ve given LOADS of unsolicted advice to more novice parents. How embarrassing this is. So…into my Amazon cart, while I’m whistling, goes, ummm, condoms, apples, a gallon of milk, a canoe, and this book, advised by a friend. So far, I really like it. Found the milk and condoms less useful.


So, we know there are big growth stuff coming up and new conflicts, concerns, fears, and follies. Phases never last that long, we should know by now not to get comfy. Onto the next. It’s unchartered territory, so it’s scary, but it’s also exciting, because it means really cool conversations with our neat kids. The other day, when the 6 year-old asked, as we pulled into the grocery store parking lot, ‘WHY ARE WE HERE?’ To buy food to make dinner. ‘No. I MEAN, WHY DO WE EXIST?’


Oh. Hmmm. I guess to buy food to make dinner?


If anyone has good recommendations on who to read regarding parenting older kids, stuff that is practical, useful, fun, I’ll take it. We’re all about respecting our kids and making them good global citizens….who don’t steal shit.


Poltergeists, honestly.


Thank you for your time.

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