“Me Project” Day 10 & 11: I’ve Downloaded Too Much Mammary

I know you’re not allowed to talk about breasts on the internet, so you’re just going to have to forgive my indiscretion. Also, I know there is this obsession, this idealized view of women and their teets, but I’m here to give you some soft, floppy truths. Not all women’s breasts look as perfect as these.

Come on, did you really think I WASN’T going to fuck with you, for clicking on a pic of ta-tas? Please. Do it on your own time (if you must, but please don’t). We’re here to talk woes on hoes for dayyyys. Big breasts actually feel, for the wearer, like this.

I have large breasts, and when I gain weight, they just get larger. When I was pregnant and breastfeeding, they were stupid huge. Like Anime drawings huge. Except, of course, in real life, my waste/butt/hips/shoulders aren’t teeny with just those giant mams, the whole general torso area got enlarged. These fellas* have been wearing on my back for years. Since I stopped exercising and my core strength went (fart noise) away, I have constant back pain. That’s my theory, anyway. Pretty sure it’s the fellas fault.

So, I’m trying really** hard to lose some poundage to see if taking the weight off helps like I think it will. I’m also stretching and strengthening and doing better posture/sleep things for my back. I get massages when I feel like I can justify the cost, which offer delightful, but temporary relief. Also, I started seeing a chiropractor, but after going twice things seemed worse (?) and I’m so afraid of hand nerve damage, because I use my hands for nose-picking and whatnot. Am I a bad hippie? Should I give chiropractoring more time?

The other part of the whole large breasted lady thing is that they’re just so…right there. I can’t hide them, or not easily, anyway. I’ve mostly dressed pretty slouchy my whole life, and a lot of the reason is that I don’t want the attention that comes with people noticing my breasts, sexualizing me because of them. My eyes are up here, thank you! Like just by living in my skin, I’m an affront or a temptation or a call for judgement.

I liked them for feeding my kids, I don’t like them no’ mo’. They’re just inconvenient, painful, and potentially lethal…I am fortunate not to have breast cancer in my family, and so have yet to begin mammograms. Starting next year, I’ll be getting uncomfortable cancer screens from tops to botts- annual painful, freezing cold smoosh & squish mammograms, in addition to my regular unrobe & probe’s I already get with Pap Smears. Uggggh, but happening. We’re all about taking care of ourselves here, even though it’s highly invasive and uncomfortable and rarely even comes with a sucker or sticker anymore because adults are supposed to be above them.

I am not above them.

I’m not entirely versed to surgically smaller-ing by breasts, but I’m going to try the weight loss, posture, good bra thing first and see how it goes. As far as the whole world and its obsession with big boobs? I don’t know that I can fix that. I’ll keep wearing baggy sweatshirts for now.

I missed writing on day 10, because I fell asleep with my son and he was SOOOOOOO cute and snuggly, I have no regrets. That’s the cool thing about tackling a full year project that’s all about loving myself- there’s no harsh rules set that I can fail and feel shame about- I just took the snuggle as a win and moved on to today.

Ta-ta! (in the goodbye sense now)

*We always seem to call breasts “ladies,” I guess because they are usually found on women? But they’re heavy and annoying and negatively affecting my health and life, so I’m calling them “fellas.” My blog, my rules.

**kind of hard

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