This was originally published on 10/29/2010, with the title, “i cried.” It was written by my husband, Robb. We had just had an ultrasound that showed the heart beat of our 3rd pregnancy, which would become our first child. This little flicker turned into our Henry. He’s turning seven years old this week. I can still …
Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A lot of my friends are “celebrating” by remembering and reaching out with and for support. I love that they’re talking about it. That kind of intimate loss leaves a dark stain on our hearts, and it’s really good to show it to others. It’s not unusual, …
THRILLS: have been feeling lots of movement lately. especially if i lie on my left side, and especially after i eat something sweet (which is often). i just made a batch of these Oatmeal Cookies with Cocoa Nibs and Cinnamon Roasted Almonds and after eating one of them (ok, five of them) i’m feeling cartwheels …
this week i’ve been a little down. i passed another one of my due dates. the coworker who was due within a couple days of me is at home with her infant son. or, if you’d rather be morose in a different direction, my first baby would be 10 months old right now had it …
so, i’m struggling a bit. i’m getting accused by friends of not being excited enough about being pregnant. not being radiant and glowing and planning for the future. most of this, i’m sure, is that i’m still feeling nervous and cautious after 2 losses. with those, i think i may have lost the luxury of …
boy, have i been struggling to keep my faith lately. despite over 15 weeks of a healthy, lovely pregnancy, i am so terrified of the other shoe dropping on my head, that i can’t seem to put together thanks or relief or peace in this pregnancy. it feels like the further i go along, the …
it’s been a looooong 5 wks as i wait for my next ultrasound. but it’s this coming monday (29th) in the morning. i can’t help but be afraid. i think i’m bracing myself for bad news. and at this stage, bad news would mean surgery to expel the bad news. these are the dark thoughts …
i have this amazing coworker. i mean, she’s really good at her job and she’s also a genuinely wonderful person. we’ve gotten to know each other over time and after my last miscarriage, she revealed some really personal, difficult parts of her history to me. sadly, during her time trying to have children, she suffered …
i’ve been doing my best to stay calm and positive. and i’m doing one heck of a job, i must say. but the fears do creep in. of course, every gas pang i have i need to convince myself isn’t a uterine cramp. and i am still taking my temp every day to make sure …
from robb…. the accumulation of doubt and triumph resulted in tears of joy when i saw a little flicker on the ultrasound screen. it was immediate and unmistakable. our baby has a heartbeat and is more than likely going to be born in june. for reasons beyond my comprehension God has carried me in His …